for some people it's easier for things to be written than said. This is the case for me. When i write, i just write whatever runs through my mind with minimal filtering and censoring. It's almost purely straight out of my head. A little tiny bit of filtering is inevitable though.
you know how people say "think before you speak"? it's what makes it harder for me to say things out loud. I overthink whatever i have to say before i actually say it. i spend so much time thinking about it that by the time i'm ready to say it the conversation has moved on.
after several entries, i'm pretty sure that strangers will know me better than some of my friends. it's possible. i'm just putting my thoughts and insights out there for everyone to see because it's much easier to write things down than to say them face to face. does that make me a pussy? maybe but i'm getting there, at least i'm able to put myself out there for everyone to see. it's true, it's easier to say things to people that you don't know and haven't met than to people that are really close to you. i guess that's because what they say about what you say (their judgments) won't matter as much as the people close to you.
since i'm revealing a lot right now, why not carry on the introduction.
i love subtext and double meanings and connotations and symbolism mostly because i like to analyze stuff. i'm the kind of person that takes satisfaction in deciphering a very simple sentence, breaking it down word per word looking at the structure, punctuation marks and all just to find an alternate deeper meaning to it. everything has more to it than it seems. waste of time? maybe for you but not for me. i guess this would tell a lot about myself. in a sense that everything i say has a deeper meaning. the littlest things mean the most and the tiniest details are what makes the picture. Which means you will find a lot of subtext and symbolism in this blog of mine (and also a lot of me analyzing the most random things finding a deeper meaning-some sort of connection to the big world or just life in general)
i like to do things that make people happy. i take satisfaction in the fact that people appreciate what i do and it motivates me more. when i make a little digital portrait of someone and they use it for their profile picture, i'm ecstatic. when i draw a picture of a band and they want it, i dance for joy. this kind of thing doesn't happen very often so that's my little personal celebration. even if it does happen often, there's no reason to stop doing it. even the smallest things matter
in this blog, you'll probably read a range of things. from really serious and meaningful insight to superficial and random things that run through my mind. anything and everything
as ben romans says "Blogging scares me, but I'm doing it. It scares me because it's easy to sound narcissistic and self-righteous, because it's often some sort of hybrid between a diary and your opinions, except that it's not locked away in a vault on the side of your bed... in fact, you know that people will read it before you even begin. I suppose this makes it a bit different than anything I'd jot down to myself (which might make sense to no one)" he pulled the words right out of my mouth.
final note: reading blogs have made me more perceptive, made me realize and learn a lot of things, and have no doubt been a source of entertainment. it makes me feel like i've known the authors of the blogs for years when in fact i haven't. it might be creepy to have everyone know you inside out but if you look beyond that it feels good to just get it out there and let people know they're not alone with whatever they're going through.
i'm not rereading this entry but from here, it seems like a blur of things mushed together but it makes sense somehow
so it goes.
m.a.
